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July 19 FinallyNever knew I can feel like this..like i've never seen the sky before.. one part from a song describing how one person feels so much in love with the other. Yes, I never knew that I 'd be able to know love once again after a long time. I guess love is like a wind, blowing here and there. once it stops at you. You just have to embrace and cherish it. true love comes in different way, mother to child , husband to wife, etc. But how can you tell that the love you have is true love? .... you don't, we don't know exactly and we cannot predict, nobody can. the oly thing we can do is to do our best in a relationship, like i always said " better regret for something that you did than for something that you didn't do", so whatever you wish to do in a relationship..just do. do your very best. for me,, I love you kub, and i'll do my best to be all i can be. September 15 Mountain HighHas it ever occurred to you? When you see a stunning, beautiful looking mountain. And that moment, you have a desire in your heart that you need to climb up that mountain. Then you start step by step, crossing rocks by rocks. The mountain is getting higher and steeper while you’re moving up. When you see a big rock gets in your way, you’ll automatically find other way to go on, in order to get to the top, to conquer the hill up there. This is your goal! When you put your heart onto something like climbing up this mountain, you suddenly have the spirit in you that tells you to fight, fight for yourself esteem, and win your goal. When you look around, the weather is never better, birds are singing, flying and cheering you. Nothing, nothing can get in your way right now. But then, so many steep rocks ahead, you don’t have any ideas where-else to avoid these rocks. You look high above, clouds are gathering to form a big mass of rain storm. Your climbing equipments are falling apart, pieces by pieces...No matter how much you want to go to the top, but fate...fate is playing jokes on you. Or it’s meant to be this way, you weren’t meant for this mountain.... It’s not that you don’t have a will, but your will is useless, when the mountain ‘s not giving you chances to climb. Maybe it ‘s not ready for me to climb, maybe it loves to stand still beautifully among other graceful mountains. At least i’ve tried to climb as hard as i could...I guess, i'll have to wait for a while, if i can't see other ways,, i'm climbing down. August 26 Night Life
I'm always be the kind of people who usually prefer staying home and doing my stuff rather than going out at night. But sometimes, in order to survive the society judgement, you are obligated to go out and party. Reminding ourselves that we are social animals that love to get together in group of sharing same interests, I decided to join this little party.
People were there ,crowd like always. I see this same thing everytime i was there. By looking at each and everyone of them, I can see different kind of people, some dancing their heart out, screaming, having the time of their life. But do i stop just that? no,, i look closer to their thoughts... i can see how lonely these people are. Some just sit there and try to look their best, sending every wink of their eyes to whomever seems to interested in him. Crusing is somewhat a thing that encripted to every move of dancing, walking, and talking. And yet, how good it felt to get all the attentions from every eyes surrounding you. But does it really make you feel good? can you trust this feeling? coz at the end when you are almost close your eyes to sleep, these feeling will long gone before you know it.
From this point, you might think that i'm one of the narrow-minded- person which 's considered a nerd who don't know how to have fun. Of course i'm not a pessimistic person, i'd have to say there're lots of joyful people there, people who doesn't care to dance to the rhythm of music, enjoy the beat and be themself.
As always, i look back at me, and wonder, what's people 'd think of me? would they think of me as one of the cool guy who always keep my image, fun guy that doesn't have a care in the world, or the most boring guy who'd love to judge people.....
August 11 Breakdown
Now i guess i'm trying to be non-chalant about it This song appears in my head couple days ago, and it got me thinking back to the time i was suffering from so called "denial" period. I said i was ok, but as the song said, i was dying inside. It's funny when sometimes certain thing or word can give you a flashback to the situation you've faced before in the past and suddenly, things you didn't want to remember just pop up in your head once again and give you a hard time.
This time, being away from home seemed endless and no fun at all. Everything turned grey when you're not happy, just like people used to say " it's the mind that overcomes anything". I lay in bed all day but couldn't help thinking that at least one good thing about going to Dubai this time was i really get a full rest. Room service menu has never been so boring, i had to figure it out what i 'd like to have between Chicken Briyani(yellow rice) or Mutton curry which both choices are not so delightful. At the end, i spent my day reading book and sleeping alone in a room.
Some might say 'interesting', or 'exciting' when they look at my life. But those who have known me, or look closely will know that my life is somehow the most boring life ever. compare to you? what do you think?
August 06 Patience
On my way heading home from work, I was driving but wasn't looking at the road, my mind was there somewhere else. Listening to the music gave me a chill on my back as i thought about the lyric. Beyonce was singing about finding her dream, her man, and that's the reason that keeps her alive and going. I was there looking back to myself, have i ever had a dreammate, a person i create to be my ideal partner.
I stopped and looked back to my 26-year-life, searching for some love moment that was hardly there. It got me thinking, do i ever know love at all? Some good memories that i want to cherish are still there along with bad ones. But i couldn't find the answer to my question.
We all have dreams, some follow them, some quit. Will you go for your dream if you finally find it or let it go? we can't make people to be what we want them to be. All we can do is just be patience, and wait for the brigher morning to come. |
Welcome all visitors -both regular and newcomer. Feel free to sign my guestbook :)
Raberd J.wrote:
Just drop by to see 'the real you' and say hi krub. :)
Jan. 29
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